Three best friends, are at the corner bar having a few drinks. Some time later, the drunken fools decide to have a bet to see whose wife will scream the longest when making love. So, they all stumble home and take action.
The following week, the three guys all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The first guy exclaims, "I definitely won! I took my wife out to dinner and I bought her roses. Then, we went home and made love. She screamed for an hour!"

The second guy brags, "Man, I got you beat! I cooked dinner for my wife. Then, for dessert, I poured honey all over her and we made love. She screamed for two hours!"

The third guy bellows, "I got you both beat! I made love to my wife for 3 minutes. Then I dried myself with the curtains and she's still screaming!"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job"

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife. "The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home"

Finally, it was the woman's turn.  She was given the same instructions, to  kill her husband.  She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing,  banging on the walls. After a few  minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the  woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks.  I had to beat him to death with the chair."

        10. "Have you looked through her briefs?"
        9.   "He is one hard judge!"
        8.   "Counselor, let's do it in chambers."
        7.   "His attorney withdrew at the last minute."
        6.   "Is it a penal offense?"
        5.   "Better leave the handcuffs on."
        4.   "For $200.00/hr., she better be good!"
        3.   "Can you get him to drop his suit?"
        2.   "The judge gave her the stiffest one he could."
        1.   "Think you can get me off?"

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
On his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector.

The hoods find the collector to ask him where the money is. He can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The mafia hood says to the interpreter,"Ask him where da money is. "The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 gun, places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."