England is old and small and they started running out of places to bury people. So, they would dig up coffins and would take their bones to a house and re-use the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive.
So they thought they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence on the "graveyard shift" they would know that someone was "saved by the bell" or he was a "dead ringer".
A family was visiting a native reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.
They asked the old tribesman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak, "Woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 100 kilometers per hour."
"That's amazing," exclaimed
the father. "You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground?"
"No", said the old tribesman.
"They ran me over five minutes ago."
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say at the scene
of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well,
I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie
into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details,"
the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say at the
scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I
had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again
and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene
of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that
he was fine. Now several
weeks after the accident
he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him
to simply answer the question."
By this time the judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move."
"However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me."
He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"