Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to A:MO/GN Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMMMM

• After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
• How can there be self-help "groups"?
• If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
• If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
• If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
• When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

QUOTES THAT COULD BE FAMOUS

• A successful man is one who can earn more money than his wife can possibly spend. A succesful woman is one who can find that man.
  
• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 are followers of women.
  
• Here's good news for bald heads. They say: "God made perfect heads". Those that were not - he covered them with hair.
  
• Yes god created man before women, but you always create a draft before the final masterpiece.
  
• A Sunday school teacher asked a little boy, "Johnny where is God?" "In the bathroom of my house," replied Johnny. "Why do u say that?" inquired the shocked teacher. "Because every morning my daddy pounds on the door and says "My God, are you still there?"
  
• The teacher, during an English lesson, asked the students: "Now tell me what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" A student in the back row replied "A Teacher".
  
• Be nice to people until you have made your first million bucks. After that people will be nice to you.
  
• A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shinning and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
  
• Bank accounts are like toothpaste: easy to take out but hard to put back.
  
• The doctor jumped from the bed, got dressed and said to his wife, "Quick, get me my medical bag, some man just phoned and said he can't live without me." "Take it easy dear," said the wife, "that call was for me."

Well that's it for this week folks. Be sure to check back as we will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

RETURN TO THE MORALE OFFICE MAIN PAGE

created by General Dronshed