Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to A:MO/BG Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!

YOU'RE NOT A JUNKIE UNTIL....

• When you're looking through your drawer for that other black sock, you aid your search by telling yourself, "Lock on to the strongest power source, it SHOULD be the power generator."
• When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe.
• You've ever pretended the orange in your lunchbox was a thermal detonator, and thought about using it to get a better price at the milk counter.
• You've made your Kenner Darth Vader figure a "proper" cloak out of cloth, to replace the cheap vinyl one he came with.
• You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.
• Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.
• You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.
• In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown our of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?"
• You believe there really is a Lando System, they just haven't found it yet!
• You've ever called somebody "laserbrain' - and meant it.
• You've ever used fishing line to try the snow speeder - tow cables maneuver on your cat.
• When you and a friend have been on one of those amusement park rides where you had to sit back to back, and you started calling him Dack and told him to stop whining about his approach vector.
• Whenever your mother asked you to babysit your little brother, you always instilled confidence by replying, "leave him to me. I will deal with him myself."
• When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
• On Halloween, you would never dress as one of the following: Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, Artoo. However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace, that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, Imperial Death Star firing officers (dorky hat patrol), Mos Eisley Cantina bartender, The sewer monster, Boba Fett, An Imperial probe droid.
• You always kept a bowl filled with live three-legged frogs next to your bed, just in case you wanted a snack.
• As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
• You actually CAN move things with the Force.
• You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.
• You've told the mall Christmas elf, "You will take me to Santa now."
• When someone had apoligized to you, you choked him and told him that you accepted his apology.
• You've told people that you're fluent in over 6 million forms of communication.
• When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident.
• The girl you've been going out with suddently tells you she loves you and you said, "I know."
• You've bought Wing Commander III and/or IV just because Mark Hamill was in it!
• You've composed lyrics to the SW theme.
• You've tried to create your own Yoda puppet out of a green sock and some buttons.
• You have lightsaber duelled with cardboard tubes, rolled up periodicals, or common garden vegetables.
• When nobody else is around, you've seriously tried to draw something into your hand with the Force.
• You've used one of Solo's lines in an intimate situation.
• You've been pulled over by a policeman and when asked to see your drivers' liscence you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
• You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spellied Wookiee with only one "e."
• You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir, droids."
• You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man."
• Everytime you put a glove on your right hand you say... "that's right, Artoo. We're going to the Dagobah System. I have a promise to keep to an old friend."
• You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.
• You've tried to make your own lightsaber.
• You've gotten into a fist fight with a Trekkie.
• You've told family and friends that your children LOVE Star Wars, even though they really don't, just so you can play with the toys!
• You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name!

A YOUNG PUNKER...
submitted by Colonel Thrawn

A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at him for the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man: "What are you looking at you old fart... didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son.

Well that's it for this week folks. Be sure to check back as we will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

I would like to thank Colonel Thrawn and Barlee Bre for sending the Morale Office funny anecdotes.

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