Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.
If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to A:MO/LG Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!
TWO OLD LADIES
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home
having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut
off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: 'What's that?'
Lady 2: 'A condom.'
Lady 1: 'Where'd you get it?'
Lady 2: 'You can get them at any drugstore.'
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the
pharmacist that she wants a package of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80s),
but politely asks what brand she prefers.
'Doesn't matter,' she replies, 'as long as it fits a Camel.'
The druggist fainted.
QUICK THOUGHTS
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
VET EXAM
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn
A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,
screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog
down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few
moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the
dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the
dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog
is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
So the vet brings in a black lab. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail,
and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm
sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he
owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my
initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."
Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Colonel Thrawn for his submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.
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