Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HA:MO/LG Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!

A FEW PHRASES TO MUSE UPON AS THE YEARS TICK BY
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn

• God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

• Now that I'm older....here's what I've discovered: I started out with nothing....I still have most of it.

• When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?

• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

• Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

• If all is not lost, where is it?

• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

• I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through.

• It was all so different before everything changed.

• Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

• I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few...

• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

• The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom on an essential mission.

• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

• It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  

OLD AGE
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn

An old man went into the Social Security Office and filled out a application. He was too old to have a birth certificate, so he was asked to prove his age.  He opened his shirt and showed them the gray hair on his chest. They accept that as proof, and give him his first check. He went home to his wife, showed her the check, and explained to her what had happened. She replied, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can also get disability!"

A MAN IS WAITING FOR HIS WIFE TO GIVE BIRTH...
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is
old enough for his  first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his
first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead  silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.The patrons chant "Take another drink!" The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild, but the bartender is clearly disapproving.
The father, crying and  wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!" The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the  right... right through the front door,
into the street, where a truck  runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Colonel Thrawn for his submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

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created by Lieutenant General Dronshed