Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.
If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HC:MO/RA Rendl Dronshed at morale_officer@imperialorder.org. After all we always need a good laugh!
ANSWERING MACHINES
Submitted by Colonel Thrawn
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers.
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company,
I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?
(From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message, I call sooner!
Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't
pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right....real slowly. So leave a
message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
A MAN ON THE HIGHWAY
Submitted by Colonel HotShot
There was once a man on the highway who was pulled
over by a police officer.
The Officer said: "You Were going at 70 mph."
The man said: "Impossible. I had it on cruse control."
So the officer said: "You don't have the seat belt on."
Man: "I took it off to get my license and registration."
So there was a woman in the back and she said: "Officer, he always says that.
So the man got mad and said: "Shut up!"
Officer: "Does he always yell at you like this?"
Woman: "No... only when he's drunk."
Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Colonel HotShot and Colonel Thrawn for their submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.
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