Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HC:MO/RA Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!

THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE DUMBER THAN YOU
Submitted by Admiral Gavlinne

I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive  and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the Internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

The Baltimore Police Department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident.  Returning home from work, a woman had been shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.  She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.  The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 officer patrolling nearby was first on the scene. As he approached the house with his dog on a leash , the woman ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned,  "I come
home from work to find all my possessions stolen,  I call the  police  for help, and what do they do?  They send a blind policeman!"

I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his computer would not turn on.

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page.  I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?"  "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote 'thingy,'" she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,  "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."

Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motorhome was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister".  I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"

WELCOME TO THE EWOK SPCA
(Society for the Persecutio of Cuddly Atrocites)

To find out if this Society is the one for you, please feel free to take the following test. If you choose to join, you will receive nothing in the mail, no one will ask you for donations, in fact there are many people who will stop talking to you altogether.

1. Does the scene of Artoo giving an Ewok a shock fill you with:
   A  Shock and Horror
   B  Indifference
   C  Unbridled glee
   
2. When you hear the term 'Ewok Steak' do you think of:
   A  The stick an Ewok carries
   B  The accessory that came with the little plastic guy
   C  A-1 Sauce
   
3. Does the warm fuzzy feeling you get when you think of Ewoks come from:
   A  Each and every time you see one
   B  A feeling of nostalgia, you loved them when you were six
   C  Your cozy Ewok lined boots
   
4. Does the term 'Ewok Surprise' bring to mind:
   A  The scene when they come over the hill
   B  That Lucas ever thought they were a good idea in the first place
   C  Dinner
   
5. When you watch ROTJ, do you use the remote control to:
   A  Pause and rewind during every Ewok moment
   B  Adjust the volume
   C  Fast Forward every time one of the little $%^# comes on screen
   
6. When the Ewok gets killed do you:
   A  Burst into tears
   B  Think its a touching scene
   C  Cheer and order a round for the house
   
7. When you hear the name 'Wicket' do you think of:
   A  The cutest little guy in the trilogy
   B  Croquet
   C  Dinner
   
8. When you first heard Kenny Baker played an Ewok as well as Artoo, did you:
   A  Feel he had reached legendary status
   B  File it away as interesting trivia
   C  Think he was slumming
   
9. For you, is evidence of Ewoks intelligence found in:
   A  That they saved Solos butt
   B  Could build their own shelter
   C  Thought Threepio was a god.....I mean really!
   

10. When you think of Ewoks, are you filled with:
    A  Uncontrollable joy, the true heroes of the rebellion
    B  Nostalgia, they were so cute when you were six
    C  Disgust, utter loathing, but slightly hungry.

SCORING
For every A, award yourself 0 points
For every B, award yourself 5 points
For every C, award yourself 10 points

0-40 point: There is a strong chance this is not the organization for you. Besides, it's probably past your nap time.

41-80 points: Rest assured you are perfectly normal. Enjoy the Trilogy.

81-100 points: You are a truly sick individual. WELCOME!!! Your sense of humor is totally warped, you probably think Jeffrey Dahmer jokes are funny, in short, you are our kind of people. We welcome you with open arms, especially since as sick as you are, no one else will speak to you!

Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Admiral Gavlinne for her submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

RETURN TO THE MORALE OFFICE MAIN PAGE

created by Rear Admiral Dronshed