Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HC:MO/RA Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!

THE TOP 11 THINGS UTTERED BY YODA WHILE MAKING LOVE
Submitted by Colonel Ruhk

11. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend you seek!"
10. "Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must."
9. "Feel the force!"
8. "Foreplay, cuddling-a Jedi craves not these things."
7. "Down here, I am. Find a ladder, I must!"
6. "Do me or do me not-there is no try."
5. "Early must I rise. Leave now you must!"
4. "You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz's hand up my ass."
3. "When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmmm?"
2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!"
1. "Who's your Jedi master? WHO'S your Jedi Master?"

SIGNS YOU HAVE BEEN ON IRC/AOL TOO LONG

• Your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
• Someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"
• You have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
• You have to scroll through your popup menu.
• You watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on.
• Your friend Tom tells you something sad on the phone and you say "Awwww, me hugs Tom."
• You've called out someone else's nick while making love to your husband.
• You keep begging your friend's to get an internet account so "we can hang out."
• Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome.
• You laughed at this list.
• Your friends are now convinced that IRC stands for "I Repeat Classes."
• You want to meet a girl and your first impulse is to turn on your computer.
• You once devoted a weekend to "working on your popups."
• You sometimes go to #egypt "just to get away from it all."
• When you join #callahans everyone types "Norm!"
• You come home from class, look at your roomates, and say "ib."
• You wait for your roomates to say "re."
• The words "takeover," "nick collide," and "flood" make your heart beat faster and your hands a little shakey.
• Sometimes you type commands from the unix prompt you mistakenly begin them with a "/"
• You've ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to face.
• You make it a point to change your ping reply and quit message daily.
• You have over 2 megs of .wav files on your mirc directory.
• You have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's.
• Your child ignores your request and you wonder if she is lagged.
• You send internet Christmas cards. *wink*
• You've ever felt the urge to type "*wink*."
• You have ever wondered if there is a #irc-anon.
• You have an irc web page.
• You've ever went to one of those form-submit web page 'chats' just to say "you losers don't even know what irc is, do you? Huh!? Do you!?!"
• You've ever logged on to dalnet.
• You join #hispanola "just to work on my Spanish."
• When someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers, everyone else types your nick.
• You join busy channels just to talk to yourself because the scrolling makes you feel better about it somehow.
• You've ever typed "drinking on irc is better than drinking alone."
• You go into labor and you stop to type a "special" away message.
• You have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.
• You've been lagged so bad that you've switched servers so much you can see you nick on the channel list 3 times.
• You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitolization, or complete senteces..
• You live on #twilight_zone for months praying for an O: line.
• You end up with 7 O: lines.
• You get revenge on someone you know in RL, you mail bomb them..through the US postal service, that is.
• You have met over 100 ircers.
• You /mode +s because you dont feel right without it.
• You dont know your boyfriend/girlfriend's first name.
• Your boyfriend/girlfriend in RL gets on IRC because it's the only way to reach you.
• You know which servers are major hubs..in *.tw
• You use words like 'leet' and 'lame' .
• You read operlist .
• You tell your friends you have plans already on saturday night when you don't.
• Your .ircrc is over 80k.
• You feel a need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL.
• Your desk is the only part of your room you ever use (screw the bed ;)
• You have ever put a smiley in a paper for school.
• You get a call from a telemarketer, and instead of hanging up on them, you set down the phone, and set their mode to -v.
• You call up your friend Nick, and /invite $nick to #watch_TV.
• You offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for the night
• You refer to rush hour traffic as lagged... or to avoid traffic, you tell your passenger you need to quit for a second to switch servers.
• The word I is now replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
• You raise your hand in class, and say "BRB".
• You have more than 3 private MSG windows going simultaneously.
• You won't subscribe to a certain internet provider because they don't offer unlimited time per month.
• Instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve it to you later that night.
• You no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what "RE ALL" means.
• You begin to say hehehehehehehehe instead of laughing.
• You don't sleep at night because you are to stay up late thinking of a new NICK.
• You know and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii text.
• You cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers listed as the reason.
• When someone says "what did you say?" you reply "scroll up!"
• You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the might when your spouse is asleep to get more irc time in!
• You turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know that you are on irc again!
• You know more about your irc "friends" daily routines than you do your own spouses!
• When someone in a channel says "where someone is today," and you know exactly where that person is and why they are not logged on.
• You find yourself lieing to others about your irc time. When they complain your phone is busy, you claim it was off the hook!
• You have an identity crisis if someone else is using your nick.
• You would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (up all night on irc!)
• You change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you are!
• You put on special mood music while talking to certain people in private chats!
• Your friends on irc were above your RL friends on your Christmas card list!
• You find yourself involved in channel politics on irc!
• You ever turned down real hugs for {{hugs}} from your irc friends.
• You have actually kept up with 10 converstions at one time! <---this one shows either great skill or that you are too far gone!
• You postpone your college graduation date so you can keep your free .edu account!
• You have ever written a pen-and-paper letter to someone and found it _impossible_ to do without smilies .
• You don't even bother answering the phone anymore.
• If you're broke and your modem burns out and you go out on to the streets to sell your body to get a new one.

Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Colonel Ruhk for his submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

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created by Rear Admiral Dronshed