Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.
If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HC:MO/RA Rendl Dronshed at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!
"We count thirty rebel ships, Lord Vader, but our men are so pissed they couldn't hit a bull's butt with a bass fiddle."
HOW TO USE STAR WARS TO SPICE UP YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE
Picture this: a romantic evening, sitting on a blanket with your favourite person (or wookiee), looking up at the sky. They say 'look at the moon!' You say: "That's no moon.. that's a space station!'
Driving along, when someone says 'Are we there yet?' say, "almost there..."
During an intimate moment... "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper."
During a bank robbery, if the robber points their gun/knife whatever at you... cower back and say in a silly voice, "Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm!"
You're in a bar, watching a woman chat up a guy, who's obviously unimpressed... walk up to the woman and say, motioning to the guy... "He doesn't like you... I don't like you either!"
Claim that your car can do the kessel run in under 12 parsecs.
Adamantly insist that the black casing on your TV and VCR is actually carbonite.
Always say 'I know' when someone tells you they love you.
Always claim "there is another".
If someone asks you to repay a debt, look up at the ceiling and say, "I don't have the money with me."
Claim your running shoes are actually Calamari Cruisers.
When you eat onion rings, hold each one up and say "Look Sir Droids!"
If you get pulled over by the police, wave your hand and look sagely, say in a confident voice... "You don't need to see my identification... These are not the droids you are looking for."
Always claim that you can shoot womp rats in your T-16 back home.
If someone tries to chat you up say "I'd rather kiss a wookiee."
If a friend, who's a terrible driver, offers to pick someone up for you say, "He's no good to me dead!"
If the phone rings in an intimate moment say, "I hate to ask, but does that include turning me off?"
A female colleague is chatting about a wonderful man, say "He doesn't want you, he's after some guy called Skywalker."
If someone asks "Where are we?" reply, "Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the point that it's farthest from."
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villainy like this?"
Make wookiee noises at any appropriate moment.
If you can't reach the remote control, use the Force.
In the middle of a statistics course, say "Don't tell me the odds!"
When male friends are going out say, "Luke! Luke! Don't It's a trap!"
The police pull you over for speeding, if they ask you why say, "I have to hurry! I'm trying to save Han from the bounty hunter!"
Claim everything is 'Impressive... most impressive."
Call your dog anger and release him often.
When you break up with your boyfriend say "And I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me!"
Pursuading friends to go out with you for the night, "Join us or die!", If someone says this to you say "I'll never join you!"
Someone's trying to break up with you, "You cannot escape, don't make me destroy you".
When you're proposing to someone say, "Join me and we can rule the galaxy together as husband and wife!"
Just after an intimate moment, "Great work, but don't get cocky, kid!"
Claim that nothing is your fault!
Have a bad feeling about everything.
You try to run windows 95 with minimal memory chewing, "That's Impossible.. even for a computer!"
In an exam look up at the ceiling and say, "help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"
In church... 'The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am."
Name your dog Rancor. Have a 'Beware of rancor' sign on your gate.
Greet people with "Ne wanga wanga" or "Oota goota, Solo?"
When you get stopped by the police, say "you will let me go" when they say "why?" reply, "Because I'm holding a thermal detonator!"
Paint yourself gold so that small furry animals think you're a god.
TOP TEN STAR WARS TOYS NOT LIKELY TO BE MADE
10. Darth Vader with removable helmet.
9. Luke with removable hand.
8. Functional Lightsaber - not recommended for children under 8 years of age.
7. Emperor with removable cloak (does he wear anything under it?).
6. Death Star in the same scale as the figures (maybe too unwieldy and expensive?).
5. Dak, who has miraculously survived, with AT-AT footprint.
4. Endor Han Solo if Luke had not gone with them.
3. World Devastator Vacuum Cleaner (household item, rather).
2. Functional speederbike.
1. Functional C-3PO (Funny for maybe three minutes, comes with blaster to shut him up in case you go mad).
Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank for the submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.
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created by Rear Admiral Dronshed