Without a doubt, Monday's suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.

If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to HC:MO/VA Rendl Dronshed at morale_officer@imperialorder.org. After all we always need a good laugh!

VERY SHORT BOOKS

1. A Guide to Arabian Democracies
2. A Journey Through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4. Career Opportunities for History Majors
5. Contraception, by Pope John Paul II
6. Detroit - A Travel Guide
7. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
9. Easy UNIX
10. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
11. Everything Men Know about Women
12. Bob Dole: The Wild Years
13. How to Sustain a Musical Career, by Art Garfunkel
14. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
15. Mormon Divorce Lawyers
16. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes, by the EPA
17. Popular Lawyers
18. Staple Your Way to Success
19. Tasty Bile Recipes
20. The Amish Phone Book

SMOKING POWER SUPPLY
(True Story)

I used to work in a computer store and one day we had a gentleman call in with a smoking power supply. The service representative was having a bit of trouble convincing this guy that he had a hardware problem.

Service Rep: Sir, something has burned within your power supply.
Customer: I bet that there is some command that I can put into the AUTOEXEC.BAT file that will take care of this.
Service Rep: There is nothing that software can do to help you with this problem.
Customer: I know that there is something I can put in... some command... maybe it should go into the CONFIG.SYS.

[After a few minutes of going round and round]

Service Rep: Okay, I am not supposed to tell anyone this but there is a hidden command in some versions of DOS that you can use. I want you to edit your AUTOEXEC.BAT and add the last line as C:\DOS\NOSMOKE and reboot your computer.

[Customer does this]

Customer: It is still smoking.
Service Rep: I guess you'll need to call Microsoft and ask them for a patch for the NOSMOKE.EXE.

[The customer then hung up. We thought that we had heard the last of this guy. But NO; he calls back four hours later!]

Service Rep: Hello, Sir, how is your computer?
Customer: I called Microsoft and they said that my power supply is incompatible with their NOSMOKE.EXE and that I need to get a new one. I was wondering when I can have that done and how much it will cost?

REAL SCHOOLCHILDREN'S EXCUSE NOTES

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank for the submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.

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created by Vice Admiral Dronshed