Without a doubt, Mondays suck. Here at the Morale Office, we would like to try and make your Monday's just a little more bearable, by giving you a laugh to get you through the week. Therefore, every Sunday, the Morale Office will be posting a new joke, anecdote, or humourous comment on our Weekly Laugh Page, just to put a smile on your face and strength to fight yourself through the upcoming week.
If you have one such joke, something to put a smile on your fellow Imperials' faces, a bright note to start the week, then please forward it to A:MO/GN Desss at [email protected]. After all we always need a good laugh!
MEN & WOMEN
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? - 45 minutes
What's the difference between E.T. and a man? - E.T. phoned home.
What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? - Harassment
What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? - $3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? - The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
How can you tell if your husband is dead? - The sex is he same, but you get the remote.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? - Humpme Dumpme.
What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? - Marriage
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
What's a man's idea of helping with housework? - Lifting his legs so she can vacuum.
How are men and parking spaces a lot alike? - The good ones are always taken and the rest are 'handicapped.'
How does a man define a 50/50 relationship? - She cooks/he eats; she cleans/he dirty;she irons/he wrinkles.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? - When the crew gets lost at least the women will ask for directions.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? - Through his chest with a sharp knife.
What have men and floor tiles got in common? - If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? - Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man's view of safe sex? - A padded headboard.
How do men sort their laundry? - "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? - After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What's the best way to get a man to do sit-ups? - Put the remote between his toes.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? - The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why do men like love at first sight? - It saves them a lot of time.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? - Breasts don't have eyes.
What do you call a smart blonde? - A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? - The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? - The woman who ate the last donut.
What is the difference between a battery and a man? - A battery has a positive side.
Why does it take a hundred million sperm to fertilize one egg? - No one will stop and ask for directions.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? - The blonde, because she's 18.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? - When you take it off you wonder where the breast went.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? - Two mothers-in law.
THE LITTLE GREEN MAN
There once was a little green man living in a little green house on the top of a little green hill. One day the little green man wanted to take a bath so he went and took his little green bottle of shampoo and his little green bar of soap and also his little green towel and into his little green bathroom he went. As he took off his little green shirt and his little green pair of shorts, he stepped under his little green tap and started to bathe.
Just then a saleswoman came to the front of the little green man's house and rang on his little green bell. 'Ting Dong'. The little green man heard his little green bell and he thought that his pizza had arrived so he hastily took his little green towel, wrapped it around his little green waist and rushed to the door.
As he opened his little green door, his little green towel came undone, and dropped unto his little green doormat, exposing his little green, uh...never mind. The saleswoman gave a shriek and rushed out of the little green house. In all her haste and all her horror, she did not see a truck coming at 120 mph which struck her, killing her on the spot.
The Moral of the story: Don't cross the road when the green man is flashing!
Well that's it for this week folks. I would like to thank Colonel Thrawn for his submissions. Be sure to check back as I will be updating this page weekly. And don't forget to send your suggestions in.
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